Stop hating and start living. Do it for you.
… and I thought I was a loner. I had convinced myself something was wrong with me, I mean there must have been something wrong with me, for those people I hoped to encourage and gave my affection to seemed to get further and further away from me. Not running, simply walking away and then fading into oblivion. Yet I hadn’t done anything wrong to them. You see, you can put all your heart into helping others, trying to do your best to comfort,advice or console them, you can try to honestly be happy for them and rejoice with them, set an example to follow for them… but you may just not get anything in return or it could all just backfire.
I personally started by setting an example for myself because I only got bits and pieces from my own life. I wanted to have someone to look up to so I started looking, hungrily searching and finding some answers to all those questions that needed answering to. Had I completely misplaced my values? Was I to blame for being who I am? Was I a bad person to speak my mind? Did I really feel or act superior towards those people who were a part of my life? Had I unwillingly made them uncomfortable with my big ego?
I’m proud to say I nurture values and put loyalty and honesty above all. I fight rage and I fight temptation, so much that nothing really tempts me anymore (except for good food). I’ve won the battles against jealousy and envy easily throughout my life, but it hurts me to say that by setting the example for myself I feel that to others I have become some sort of control freak regarding my emotions. I now find it hard to relate to people who are constantly looking for my weak spots (I do have many) and thinking my life is all about THEM and not about myself. In a way I’m actually quite selfish so I do things for myself and to myself generally. I certainly don’t trust “them” anymore. I find it hard to pretend I don’t see resentment in the looks people give me or in their attitude towards me. I don’t think they actually realise or want to feel that way towards me, but I find it hard to believe anyone cares for me when all they’re doing is waiting to see me fail and do the “AHAAA you fail miserably too and that makes me feel great about myself now!” dance.
Let me assure you, I am all human, but failure is not what I’m about … and it’s not what you’re about either.
I don’t believe any of us can ever fail. I wish that you could all see this clearly. If your intentions are good and your conscience is truly clear you can’t fail in life, it is close to impossible. You can’t even make mistakes in life let alone “fail in life” (we make the decisions we make knowingly and whatever just cameupoutoftheblue is not our responsibility – #let’sfaceit). But when the shit hits the fan (and it will cause nobody is perfect) you can hold your head high and carry on, knowing deep down inside you did what you did for the right reasons at the time, and who cares you couldn’t make things work! so what you didn’t get what you deserved, expected or wished for! You’re not a fortune teller, you can’t know these things so don’t beat yourself up for you are your worst enemy.
Don’t be afraid of life and don’t feel ashamed if things don’t go the way you planned. There is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. Life is full of surprises, good and bad. Simply embrace who you are and be your own competition. Fight for yourself, stand up for yourself, be the best friend you’d always hoped to have (chances are you’ll never find that type of friend anyway – all one can do is hope- truestory), so YOU be THAT person!
Stop hating and start living. Be the change you want to see in the world – Gandhi