Today I want to talk to you about what it is like being a “rock”. Not in the literal sense of the word.
I am often told I am like a rock because of my strong character and discipline, the way I can hold my ground when everything is crumbling down, the way I can be strong when everyone else is weak, and so on…I guess that it is true in some way, I just wish I didn’t have to be the rock all the time.
Trust me, I’ve tried.
Sometimes I truly think that what other people think of us is what really makes us. I never chose to be the rock. This was in some way decided for me and it is expected of me no matter what. When I had my melt downs I realized that other people couldn’t handle me in any way, they didn’t even know what to say to make me feel better while I was perfectly aware of what I was going through and was amazed at the inability of the people around me to lift my spirit! I was extremely disappointed that I could never have a shoulder to cry on because crying was not expected of me. Despair wasn’t a word that could be included in my vocabulary. It saddens me and makes me proud at the same time. I can’t have my “mad times” or simply feel worthless… not when I’m in a company of friends or family, automatically this transfers a bad mood amongst my loved ones which then becomes a huge issue they absolutely can’t deal with. So I’m forced to hide my true feelings and keep being the motivator.
It’s obvious I’m not happy all the time, but I tend to make myself happy, work on my happiness so that the vision people have of me reflects the reality. I just want to make sure that I’m true to myself most of the time and keep being strong or let things out when I need to in a more private way, away from it all. It really works for me and my moody behavior.
Are you anyone’s rock? Do you like being a rock?
I’m just beginning to accept it…